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lilfishk05
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Name: Katie
Location: Texas, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: God (always #1), singing, guitar, running, friends, church, taking pictures, spanish, reading
Expertise: working at the coolest church! Being a college student! Jammin' on the guitar
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  lilfishk05
Yahoo:  lilfishk05
Member Since:
7/22/2004
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| I have had the most amazing month. I am not sure why its been so amazing. I think its because I've been able to spend some time with myself. I feel more like myself than I have in over two years and I love it. I have returned to the outgoing, crazy Katie that everyone once knew...and hopefully loved. I feel like being random so here is a list of some random things I've done recently:
1. Preached a serman (actually two) on forgiveness
2. Stayed up until 4:00 AM (twice) and vowed after both that I would never do that again
3. Bought Over the Hedge the day it came out (Tuesday) because I thought it was amazing
4. Saw The Goonies for the first time
5.Saw David Crowder Band, Shane and Shane, Jeremy Camp, Jars of Clay and Hawk Nelson all on the same weekend (and almost peed my pants in excitement)
6. Got killed (so very badly) at Halo 2 by my pseudo lil brother and a crazy guy in a cool band (and still had a blast)
7. Took black and white photography (of really anything)
8. Danced my little heart out to the NOW 5 cd (Don't judge, the Bible says not to!)
9. Got a bunch of middle school kids "lost" on a hike up to the cross at Glen Lake and got everyone covered in mud from head to toe (It was the best hike EVER!)
10. Had a really bad asthma attack during my Greek class and scared my prof half to death
Oh, by the way.. I heart this weather so much! I wanna go to a haunted house with a group of people but I'm a chicken. I finally bought a peice of clothing that has Texas Wesleyan on it...its a hoodie and I love it. I have a new job and it is amazing how good you feel when you know you are in the place that God wants you to be. Awesome.
Later Days!
Kt
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| Yesterday it rained all day. It couldnt have been a more perfect day. It was beautiful. I chose to spend my day, all day, at the botanical gardens. I wandered through the seemingly endless paths of God beautiful creation. I couldnt help but wonder how anyone could not see all this beauty and liveliness and say that there isnt a God. I was practically brought to tears by the love of God for his people through the things he puts here for them. I stopped and sat many times just to watch. I watched the flowers and the plants. I watched the people wandering in and out. All so different, but really all the same. I saw a young couple with a little boy who couldnt be more than three years old. He was so excited about everything. He wanted to see every inch of the garden even if it meant straying from his parents side just briefly. I saw many large families just out together. They were taking family photos, joking with eachother and just having a good time. A little while later it started to rain. I didnt know until later that it really was raining pretty hard. I didnt even notice. I was so excited. The extra rain made the gardens just more beautiful. I played, laughed, and sang in the rain. It was so much fun. I took over a hundred pictures. Even though I couldnt exactly capture what I saw, some of the pictures came out very well. Welp, now that everyone reading this thinks I'm a complete head case, I have succeeded and am now finished! HAHA! Yesterday was the best day I've had in a long time. By the time I got back to my apartment I was soaking wet, cold, and tired, and I wouldnt have it any other way. The rain is beauty beyond words... | | |
| I want to be somebody. I want to be somebody who matters. I want to leave a place and I want people to say "There's something different about that girl" I dont want it to be because of who I know or what circle of influence I'm in. I want to be perfectly settled in the place in which God want me to be every moment of every day. I want to be so perfectly placed that I am an afterthought. I'm there because I'm supposed to be, and I do things because I'm supposed to. Nothing more.
It is the place I seek or is my place in the place that God has placed me? Is it the people that I seek? The connections in which God has placed right infront of me that I choose to ignore time and time again. Or is it myself I seek? I thought I knew exactly what I was and my purpose. All this is still true, but confusion overcasts the truth and now I'm not sure. Maybe its just simply the truth that I seek. What am I truely here for. Who does God truely want me to be.
I dont know how to act. I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. I dont even know what to think. The me that was there for so long seems to be disapearing behind the past. Im scared. I see no future or present me. The past disapears, but nothing appears, not even in the distance. Maybe its there and i just cant see it.
Now the questions are there. This only seems to be a small fraction in the journey that almost came too late. Kairos- In God's perfect time.
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| I move onto an on campus apartment on Saturday. Away from home, away from normal schedules, away from financial security, away from my family. It's been a weird couple of days. I wish the days would stop being soo moody!
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| I hate to share my emotion and frustration but it is eating away at me. God is bugging me but i cannot figure out why or what it is he wants me to do. It frustrates me to the point of giving up. I am miserable in everything I do and I feel more alone than I have in a long time. I am again learning how to trust in God completely, with all that I am and all that I have. This is something I wish I can understand just once and never forget it or stray from it. Life just doesnt work out that way.
I am not getting along with the people that are the closest to me and I do not like that. I see it as a way for God to bring me back to him, but as I always say, "I'm not having fun". As I have heard and as I have read, sometimes there comes suffering before the healing and recociliation can begin. Suffering and being suseptable to getting my emotions out of whack is not something I am used to or like by any means.
Time is something I sometimes take for granted, but when its on my timeline things cant happen soon enough. I have such a rushed and busy life and thats the way I like it. Apparently this is where God and I disagree. I have to do things on his time and not mine because I will fail if I dont. Again another lesson already learned that I have to go back and relearn. Life is hard and I think I'm going insane!
There once was a wise guy that said that the definintion of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. 
Later Days
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